How to avoid hurt feelings, family squabbles, and other unintended consequences where your estate is concerned.

Mary’s grandmother had a beautiful little locket and it was very special to Mary. Mary’s grandmother told Mary that she could have that little locket when she was gone. That day eventually came but it turned out that, according to Mary’s aunt, grandmother told her aunt that she could have the little locket. A big blow up between Mary and Mary’s aunt over that little locket arose and the aunt, eventually, won out.

Mary’s feelings were extremely hurt, and a rift occurred between her and her aunt that never healed itself. When Mary’s aunt passed away, the little locket was left to the aunt’s child, Mary’s cousin – and I’m sure you can guess, now the cousin and Mary don’t talk to each other either.

One might think this is a trivial state of affairs but take my word for it, in estate planning, this is an all too familiar situation where families are concerned. I have had many a family come to me, after a loved one has passed, seeking help settling their estate in probate. And not too infrequently, someone will assure me that the administration of their loved one’s estate will be a straightforward event, “no drama.” And often they’re not far off the mark. Things can be administered in a straightforward way if their estate planning is in order. But if it wasn’t put right before their passing and things were left to family to deal with, these seemingly trivial loose ends could result in hurt feelings, family squabbles, and other unintended consequences – especially where money and sentimental items are concerned.

A seemingly harmonious family could turn contentious in a short time if money issues arose or some item of sentimental value was left unassigned at death. It was as if the whole situation was doused with kerosine and light afire. What a difference a few thousand dollars or grandma’s favorite sugar caster could make.

Conversations are just that, conversations. Estate planning is about making a plan, fixing it in a concise, enduring, and legally enforceable way so that one can avoid mistakes, misunderstandings, bruised feelings, and all out familial warfare if your instructions were left incomplete or in some way lacking.

I have seen families ripped apart because of trivial little sugar casters and it’s heartbreaking. I’m certain the deceased would be brokenhearted over the mess they unintentionally left behind simply because they didn’t set out their wishes in a way that allowed the administration of their estate to be straightforward and without drama.

I’ve said it before and it has become my mantra, “estate planning is not only what one does for their own peace of mind, but also – if not more importantly – for those we leave behind.” Show your family you love them, do them the favor of having your plan in place for them when the time comes. It’s easier to do it now than remember it later.