I am frequently reminded how much estate planning is such a personal thing. It’s the private business of those who endeavor to secure such a plan for themselves, and thereby, their families. But there are times it can become convoluted if there are too many hands in the pot.

Folks come to me to help them sort their estate plan, to put their wishes into a format where they will endure long after they are gone. An important conversation I often have with potential clients begins with this question: WHO is my client? We cannot go forward without having answered that for ourselves.

My client is the person whose name is the principal on that particular estate plan. My client is not their child, or the spouse of their child, or their next-door neighbor. I answer to one person. My interests are in one person. And so is my fidelity. I don’t care who writes the check. I don’t care if someone other than my client brought them to my office. An estate plan is the private business of the principal and I guard their interests above anyone else.

Often, I have adult children who bring in their parents to see me. Very soon into our initial meeting I have the conversation with my potential client as to whether or not the meeting will be attended by their adult child – they are the only ones who can grant this permission.

I’ll reiterate here again; the interests of my client(s) are my concern. It starts to get very dicey when Mom or Dad starts to crowdsource how their estate should be distributed and involving the kids in the process. Often adult children believe they have a right to direct the estate planning process, and this is where I come in – it is my job to divest them of this erroneous notion.

Estate planning is a personal process. It involves someone’s life, assets, dreams, and the material representation of their efforts in their own lifetime. How much more personal can something be?

I am not concerned that someone believes they should get a bigger chunk of their parent’s estate because they took mom to bingo on Saturdays. If mom wants that, then grand. Unless your parent presented you with an invoice of the expense, time, tears, love, and heartache incurred by raising you upon your leaving the nest, then what I say to you is “it’s good to want things…”

Imagine if the tables were turned and I started involving third parties in a conversation of how your life should be split up and divvied out to others – in your presence. How long would it take for you to lose your mind over the audacity of it all?

You may have read this from me on a previous occasion, but I believe that your estate is your own – to do with it as you wish. Your job isn’t to leave an inheritance to your children. Your job is to raise good children. Your job is also to ensure that you can take care of yourself and not, if you can help it, become a burden to others. If, after your time here on earth, you’re fortunate

to have something to pass on to your children, then that’s just icing. It shouldn’t be an expectation. If I can help you sort any of these things for you – I’m here for you.