Losing a spouse is devastating enough. But here’s what most people don’t see coming: the financial chaos that often follows. You’d think grief would be the hardest part. And it is. But then comes the avalanche of financial surprises that can turn an already impossible time into a fullblown crisis. The Wall Street Journal recently talked to financial experts about this, and what they shared should be a wakeup call for every married couple.

The Surprises Nobody Expects. Take the widow who discovered her late husband had racked up $5,000 on a store credit card she knew nothing about. The good news? She contacted the creditor, and they wrote off the debt. Turns out, many creditors find it easier to discharge smaller balances than chase them through probate court. But what if it was more like $15,000? Here’s where it gets complicated: whether you’re on the hook for your spouse’s solo debt depends on where you live. In community property states like California, Texas, and Idaho you might be liable even if your name isn’t on the card. Then there’s the probate nightmare. Assets in your deceased spouse’s name alone can be locked up for over a year in some places. In some cases, surviving spouses—people with substantial estates—have to borrow money from their own children just to pay the electric bill. Imagine that: sitting on significant wealth but unable to access a dime of it when you need it most.

The Credit Score Ghost Story. Here’s something that sounds almost absurd: you can be married for decades, live in a beautiful home, have substantial assets, and still be invisible to credit bureaus. As a result, widows who suddenly can’t refinance their mortgage or even get a credit card because everything was in their husband’s name. The credit system doesn’t care about your household wealth. It only cares about your individual borrowing history. And if you don’t have one? You could be starting from scratch at the worst possible time. This should be on the radar for all women thinking about marriage. There are new re-emergent trends out there advocating a woman to turn all their economic power over to their spouses in the name of ‘traditional values’ and the like.

When the Bills Come Due. When one spouse is the financial manager of the household and the surviving spouse has no idea what their lifestyle actually costs. Between insurance, car payments, housing, kids’ tuition, and all those little subscriptions, the surviving spouse could be shocked to find that they need to either go back to work or make drastic cuts.

The Widow’s Penalty. And just when you think it can’t get worse, there’s the tax situation. The “widow’s penalty”: as a result of your spouse’s death, you lose one Social Security check, but you still have all those pension payments and required retirement distributions. Suddenly you’re filing as a single person with similar income, which often means a higher tax bracket.

What You Can Do Right Now. The experts are unanimous: don’t wait for tragedy to strike. Set up revocable trusts so assets bypass probate. Hold some accounts jointly. Add “Transfer on Death” designations to bank and brokerage accounts. And critically, each spouse should maintain their own account with several months of expenses. Both partners need active credit in their own names. Both need to understand the household finances. Have monthly money meetings, even if one spouse would rather avoid them. Yes, these conversations are uncomfortable. Nobody wants to plan for their partner’s death. But the alternative—leaving your spouse to navigate a financial minefield while drowning in grief— is so much worse. The most loving thing you can do for your partner isn’t avoiding these difficult topics. It’s making sure that if the worst happens, at least the money part doesn’t become another crisis to survive.I have always said that estate planning is financial planning, and you can see why. I’m here if you need help.