Is it time to close the Bank of Mom & Dad?
I think we should talk about a somewhat touchy subject, namely, when it might be time to close the ‘Bank of Mom & Dad.’ Do you have a fully functional adult child living in your basement? Are you struggling to keep Junior in the lifestyle to which he has become accustomed? Are we talking about a serious case of ‘failure to launch’ syndrome? Well, it might be time to face a few truths. If you’re waiting for the situation to change, it might be you who needs to do the changing.
A child rises to the expectations we set for them. Newton’s First Law of Motion, in part, states that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it. If we have not set the expectation for our child that he or she is responsible for their own way in the world, we have, in effect, deprived them of the roadmap for self-actualization and success. A body at rest will remain at rest…
Many times I have watched parents of adult children sit before me and turn themselves inside out because they fear they might not be able to leave them a sizeable inheritance. I take that as an opportunity to help them see things another way.
What you owe your children is a safe and loving upbring. You don’t owe them the material things that the marketing giants of this world convince you – or your children – that you do. You don’t owe it to them to carry them for the rest of their lives. There is no greater gift to impart to your children than the ability to be independent, resilient, compassionate, and grateful. Have faith that you’ve raised your child well, and then, give them room so they can soar.
You don’t owe your children things. What you do owe them is to not become a burden to them, in so long as you’re able. Your capable adult children should not be your burden, nor should you be theirs. That means your estate is there to help take care of you, as long as possible. To sacrifice your well-being just so you can leave something to your children isn’t your job.
A proper estate plan can be set up to hold your children accountable. If you can’t seem to say no during your lifetime, you can let them know that the estate plan you’ve created will treat the money you’ve lent them as an advancement on the inheritance they’ll get when you pass. This might cause them to rethink their habit of coming to the Bank of Mom & Dad every time they get excited about a too-good-to-be-true investment opportunity or curb their general sense of entitlement regarding your personal finances.
A well-drafted estate plan can also help to ensure that your other children are treated fairly in light of your little darling who just can’t seem to quit you. Rifts in families can often occur when one child or another perceives their sibling as having taken advantage of their parents or having somehow profited unfairly from the estate left after someone passes away.
Good estate planning can accomplish many things. It can help to take care of you during your lifetime, it can help ensure peace in the family when you’re gone, and it can be a way to make sure that the Bank of Mom & Dad stays closed for good, when it should. If I can help in any way, Daigle Law Office’s doors remain open.
