Mama’s May Flowers
As May flowers press themselves through the veil of what has been, for several months, a cold and barren tundra we are reminded of the beauty and rebirth that spring brings. A time of awakening and a reminder of how good it feels, how very blessed we are, when the sun starts to warm our shoulders again and kiss our face. I love to watch the excitement of my townsfolk when I visit the local nurseries on the weekends – all barely containing their glee at the prospect of getting their hands in the soil and seeing what will come of their efforts in the weeks and months ahead.
I’m always especially reminded of my own Mama at this time of year. She was a master gardener – certified and all – and the spring was her time to become one with Mother Nature. These are the things I miss. I miss the beautiful things she created; the way she loved her family to her bones; the fierce pride she had in her children; the legendary meals she made with love; and the never-ending kindnesses she showed to her loved ones, her students, and to complete strangers. My Mama was a Warrior Queen. She raised 4 children virtually on her own as my father fulfilled his duty to our military and country in far off places alone. And I never heard her once complain. She raised her children and many others, and I still marvel and how she did it all.
When she started to forget things, something in her dimmed. She knew something was different too. We often play this game of ‘what-ifs’ with ourselves. I know I did. What if I had noticed something sooner, what could I have done? What if we had taken her to the doctor sooner, could we have staved off the inevitable? ‘What ifs’ are the debris left behind from overwhelming loss. They don’t help us. They’re not productive. We are left with memories, and grief, and love. Memories help us through grief – heck, sometimes they bring on the grief – but they keep us connected. And love, well, that is the blessing that endures. Love will get you through the rest of your life without them.
There is a ‘what if’ I could have taken care of during her life. I could have made sure she, and my father, had the right documents to take care of them during these awful times. I wasn’t an attorney in the early 1990s when my folks gave me a copy of their wills they had drafted by a military attorney. I didn’t know, at the time, how incomplete they were. I didn’t know that the missing documents were the ones that would have helped me take more immediate care of both of my parents when they needed it most. One shouldn’t have to go the nuclear option of getting conservatorship and guardianship of their own mother just to make sure she could be taken care of. It’s an awful lesson but one I have learned from. I do now, for others, what I wish had been done for my own parents, so no one has to go through the same ordeal. I do it to honor the memory of my own parents and to serve others. ‘Service is the rent we pay for being,’ begins one of my favorite quotes and it’s an example of all the wonderful things my parents taught me.
Mother’s Day is upon us this month. As we honor our Mothers in person, or in our hearts, we should take this time to think of how we can be proactive to the things they may need going forward in their own lives. Are they protected and have we done what we can to support them? Take that to-do list and just get it to-done. Our Mamas are worth every bit of it. And if I can help, I’m here.
